Question: My wife and I quarrel every day. The issue is always small. We both lose our control. Our life is colourless. Divorce isn’t the solution. Should one of us end our life?
Mahatria: Foremost of all, promise me as you read this sentence, you have dropped your thoughts of suicide. Removing the head is not the solution for headache. If people with problems have to run away from life, then no one will be left. For anything death isn’t a solution. Life is.
Existence on purpose had designed man different from woman, leaving both a little incomplete so that in embracing each other you feel that completeness. The social expectations from a man and a woman have been very different for centuries. These factors have contributed to a lot of physiological and psychological differences. Ignoring the differences may lead to temporary harmony, but differences not faced remains differences. They remain the source of potential conflict. Most marriages suffer because we haven’t learnt to deal with differences positively.
The basis of man is thinking and for a woman it is feeling. Don’t tell a man, “Silly idea.” Never tell a woman, “Silly feelings.” “You did well” is a compliment to man. To a woman, “I am feeling good about what you did” is a compliment. Men act as if they can, even when they can’t. Women act as if they can’t, even when they can. Men are never at ease accepting their weaknesses. Women are never at ease accepting their strengths. Because man experiences love through the doors of the body, he wants his woman to be fresh and attractive. Because woman experience the body through the doors of love, she wants her man to be sensitive and caring. So, men need sweet-touchings, and women need sweet-nothings.
Man represents the sperm and hence is result-oriented. So he speaks of competition; always says, ‘come to the point’; selfishly puts himself first; likes to argue; believes good fences make good neighbours. He prefers to be left alone in his psychological and physical space. On the contrary, woman represents the ovum (nurturing) and hence is process-oriented. So she speaks of cooperation; always says, ‘get into the details’; selflessly puts others first; likes to share; believes good chats make good neighbours. She wants company and shares her psychological and physical space.
And above all, man can never handle the unhappiness of his woman. The only way he knows to handle her unhappiness is to escape the situation. Even when he is not personally responsible for what has happened, he can’t face the unhappiness of his woman. His best comes out only when he knows his woman is happy in life. On the other hand, a woman, however successful and independent she may be, needs protective love from her man. She needs a parental touch from her man. Her best comes out only when she feels secure in her man’s presence.
View the differences positively, instead of accepting yourself as you are and trying to change her – change yourself and accept her as she is; do not do to her what you do not want her to do to you, do to her what you want her to do to you. And most importantly, believe in the power of your love for her. What is not possible for love? If love cannot, nothing else can… and love alone is our salvation. I love you.
Written by: Mahatria Ra